its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
