Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
