found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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