I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
