I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
