i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
