i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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