According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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