I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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