so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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