you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Everyone says I win the strip club
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
