Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
