I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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