I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i believe in u and ur pee
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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