Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
