Im at strip club and am horny
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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