I'm really into asian looking animals
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
