Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize