Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
