there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
