yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
