There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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