Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize