Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
