Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
