She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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