She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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