I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
