and you said cock pushups were impossible
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
