Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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