and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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