Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
