Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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