Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
