More tranny stories later!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
