I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Farmville is her only friend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
