a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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