I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
