So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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