I got chris browned last night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
