DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
