roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
