Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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