Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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