Only a mothe r could love this liver
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
