Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Even my vagina gasped.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize