i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
