just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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