I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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