Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
