how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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