my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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