This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
