so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
