How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
