I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
