the condom got lost in my hair
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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