the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
