No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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