I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
