ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
