I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
