I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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