I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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