My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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