Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
