And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
